Polymer Monopoly

What follows is a rough potential first chapter for an unfinished plot. Before I write out the whole story, I am posting this because I want to make sure that the world I am building makes sense. Unlike my previous stories, this isn't technically science fiction (in the sense of "fiction that sounds like a scientist would say it's plausible"). Rather, it's more like biochemistry-themed steampunk fantasy. If you have taken advanced placement or college biology, you should be able to follow along quite easily. However, I want all readers to be able to understand what's going on, even without the background knowledge. After all, most fantasy stories introduce novel terms and concepts that are made up out of whole cloth, and the readers absorb them without difficulty. My goal is for this story to be the same way, except that many of the components actually come out of a science textbook. I guess what I want to know is, should I describe the technology in more detail or less? Should I use more jargon or less? To what extent should I call things by their proper names? And so on. Take a look (warning: contains lethal violence).

( Though I am now known as the simple triphmonger who brought down the robber baron Ezekiel Montgomery, none of it would have happened if one of my globular moped's pseudopods hadn't gotten itself denatured. Without that pothole, you would still be choosing between triph and trout to this day. But I'm getting ahead of myself. )